My Brain Tumor and God's Healing

     May is national brain tumor awareness month, so, I thought that I would take this opportunity to share my story.  I am aware that the month of May is over in about three hours, and I am just now posting this, but that is because I have started writing this multiple times and each time ended up deleting it.  It is way outside of my comfort zone to talk about myself, especially such a personal aspect of myself.  But I am for two reasons.  1) This is part of my testimony.  This is a story God’s grace, power, mercy, and healing, and that means that it needs to be told.  I need to tell it to give God glory.  2) I want to be an encouragement to others.  I realize that more than likely no one reading this has been or ever will be diagnosed with craniopharyngiioma, but that does not mean that my story of God’s healing in my life will not be an encouragement to you. Whatever it is that you are going through in your life, be it difficulties in a relationship, problems at school, a loved one struggling to fight cancer, or an actual craniopharyngioma, I hope that my story shows you that God can heal your problems of whatever size in whatever area of your life.  HE IS ABLE!  So here it is, my story of having a brain tumor and God’s healing…

     For the fist 6 years of my life I was a perfectly normal little girl.  I ran and played.  I combed my baby dolls hair and dressed them up in their cute little frilly dresses.  And, then one night we were watching Veggie Tales and my daddy told me it was time to go to bed.  I begged for one more, but he told me to look at the clock and tel him what time it was.  It was way past bedtime.  But, I couldn’t.  I couldn’t see the clock.  

     My parents took me to get my eyes checked, thinking that I needed glasses.  They were told that I had amblyopia, lazy eye.  In other words, I had one eye that was ‘lazy’ and not as strong as the other, inhibiting my vision.  The treatment for lazy eye is to wear a patch over the strong eye, forcing the weak one to strengthen.  

     So, I wore the patches, and I hated them.  

     My ‘weak’ eye just kept getting weaker and weaker until I was having problems just functioning in everyday life.  I remember positioning the patch just right so that I could peek out of the corner with my ‘strong’ eye and see.  The doctor kept blaming my parents.  I had lazy eye and the patch was the answer, so, they must not be making me wear it.  

     After months of the patch and continually weakening vision, the Lord led my parents to Arkansas Children’s Hospital (ACH) for a second opinion.  With just one look, the doctor identified the problem, a craniopharyngioma pressing on my optic nerve until my brain had completely shut off my right eye.  And now, it was beginning to weaken my left one.  A craniopharyngioma is a (generally) benign tumor that occurs on the pituitary gland and sticks to everything.   The doctor said that it is a very slow growing tumor, so I was likely born with it.  He also said that due to its stickiness, it was very likely that he would not be able to remove it all.  And, if any was left stuck it was very likely for it to reoccur, and reoccur, and reoccur.  He prepared my parents for me to come out of surgery not being able to taste or smell, and completely blind in both eyes.  

     One week later, lifted up by hundreds of prayers that spanned around the world, I underwent an 8 hour brain surgery to remove the problematic mass that was slowly stealing my vision.  

     When the surgeon went to the waiting room to talk to my parents after the surgery, he said that he could’t explain it, but the tumor had just fallen out.  He was confident that he had been able to remove it all.  That was totally uncharacteristic of craniopharyngioma tumors.  It was a miracle.  The miracle that everyone had been praying for.  

     Then began the waiting game.  They wouldn’t know if I had lost my vision, smell, or taste until I woke up.  

     And then the fire alarm went off.  

     Yes, after surgery, in the ACH surgery recovery room, the fire alarm went off and woke me up.  And then I asked what the flashing lights were for.  That meant that I could see the flashing lights.  It meant that I could see Dad standing there to ask what the flashing lights were for.  I wasn’t blind!

     The next day, my Mom tried feeding me green Jell-O, which everyone knows is NASTY.  Well, I informed her of that.  I told her that it tasted disgusting and that I liked RED Jello-O.  That meant that I could taste!

     I did however loose my sense of smell.  But hey, two out of three ain't bad.  And smell is  nothing compared to being able to see and taste.  

     The next little bit is a blur to me.  I remember my parents trying to figure out lots of new medications,  My pituitary gland that had been removed was what told my body to produce hormones.  So now, I had a handful of pills (and I didn’t do pills), a nasal spray, and a shot (I didn’t do needles either, which had added another level of difficulty to this whole surgery ordeal).  

     Eventually all of my medication got evened out.  It is still a struggle.  Things that most people don’t think a thing about make me sick.  I don’t naturally produce adrenaline like you, which means that even walking across a parking lot in the summer can make my heart feel like its racing and make me feel light headed.  Falling and cutting my knee has made me pass out before.  I have to pay attention to how much water I drink.  My body doesn’t regulate my water intake like others so I can very easily flush my system out.  I struggle with insomnia.  My body doesn’t know when its time to sleep.  I feel exhausted but my body doesn’t produce Melatonin to tell it to go to sleep.  My right eye, the one that I am blind in, randomly turns in.  I can’t loose weight.  And, it is a continual struggle to not gain weight because of all of the hormones and steroids that I take just to make my body function.  But it’s normal to me.  I’ve slowly but surely figured my body out as I’ve grown up and am finally learning how to adjust for most of these things.  

     That was all over fifteen years ago.  I have had no recurrence, and, after ten years, my chances of having it reoccur is no greater than anyone else in the world.  

     Some days I wonder what I would have been like if none of this had happened.  I wonder what life would have looked like.  But, it did happen.  This is who God has made me.  I am His masterpiece.  He did not mess up when He made me.  The tumor was not a surprise to Him.  He has a reason for the tumor.  This is the life that He has blessed me with and I am so blessed.  My story is full of His healing and grace.  It is my testimony.  And that it why I have told you all of this.

My Top 16 Blessings From 2016

1. My Daddy.  Daddy works tirelessly to support his family and never complains.  He is a loving husband and father, a loyal friend, and an ever so faithful Christian.  He is always pointing us to Christ and trusting Him with everything, even when all th rest of us are completely overwhelmed.  He is supportive and encouraging and always knows how to calm me down and make me laugh when I am overwhelmed.  He never lets a day pass that he does't walk up to me, hug me, tells me that he loves me, and that he is proud of me for just being me.
   
2. My Momma.  Momma is constantly doing for her family.  She is often the first one up and going in the morning (except for Dad) and is always the last to sit down at night.  She cooks, cleans, referees fights, and lovingly listens to anything that we come to her about.  She always points us to God and keeps Him the center of our home.  She always stops what she is doing to listen to me rants and does whatever possible to help me succeed, whether proof reading final papers when I was in college, driving me in to my classes this spring when I just felt sick before my gallbladder was removed, or staying up late helping me bake cupcakes for a craft fair.
   
3. My Blondie.  My little sister and I are polar opposites.  She is blonde and I am brunet.  She likes old war dramas and I like romantic comedies.  She is short and skinny and I am tall and, well, not skinny.  She is all thought and I am all feelings.  Yet, through all of these differences she is my absolute best friend.  She tries to meet me in the middle and learn how to feel and show me love.  And, even though this often comes across as fake, knowing that not a single fiber of her being understands what she is trying to do makes it mean so much.
   
4. My Little Joe.  My baby brother drives me crazy most days.  He is just a typical fifteen year old boy and nothing about him makes sense to me.  We don't understand each other, yet we love each other in our own special way, and that is the one thing that we do understand about each other.  Even though he pokes at me and jokes at my own expense, he is always sorry when it gets to me, is the one to make sure that he always tells me good morning and good night and tells me that he loves me every single day.  
   
5. My second family.  In the world that we live in it is all too common for children to be denied the blessing of having a parent that loves them, is proud of them, supports them, and that they can have confidence in knowing that they are always there for them.  Not to mention is a Godly example.  I have been blessed with not only two parents who fulfill the requirements of Godly parenthood, but with an extra set.  Mrs. Gaye and Mr. James are a wonderful gift from God in my life (and Harris ;P).
   
   
   
6. My "sisters".  Not only have I been blessed to have a sister who is my best friend, I have been blessed to have two best friends who are my "sisters".  I am so thankful that God placed Harlie in my life fifteen years ago.  We have had so many adventures, laughs, and long talks together that I will never forget.  You are my twin in many ways.  Katie Beth is a newer arrival but I already have so many sweet memories with her as well and am so excited to make many many more over the years to come.  I now have another twin in so many ways it isn't even funny.
   
7. My "brothers".  As with my "sisters", not only have I been given the gift of a biological brother, but of two awesome/crazy "brothers" as well.  Even tough I have some stories of torture from both, I also have so many stories of laughs, support, encouragement, help, and love.
   
8. Cowboy
9. Mr. Bennett                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I mean just look at those faces... 
10. Grandma is still here with us.  After all that she has gone through these past few months, she is still here and slowly continuing to get stronger.  And, even though having her live with us is so much more difficult that I would have ever imagined, I know that this time that I have with her is a blessing and that I will look back and be so glad that I had it.
11. Church family.  It is a blessing to have a group of like minded believers who are not only friends, but consider you family.  Knowing that they lift you up in prayer and are there for you whenever you need them is a wonderful feeling.
12. Traditions.  I am a very sentimental person.  I love my traditions and uphold them fiercely.  It is a blessing to me to have traditions that span throughout my childhood and are still going strong today.  This holiday season has been a challenge for this reason.  Many of our family traditions were changed, cut short, or done away with all together this year due to Grandma living with us and being sick.  This made me appreciate the old traditions even more and forced to me discover that the creation of new traditions can be just as sweet.
13. Sweet memories.  I have a wonderful family and "family" and a very blessed life.  We have had many adventures together and many very precious memories.  We have lots of traditions and loads of laughs.  All of these have over timed turned into memories and that is a blessing to me.  And, what makes memories even more of a wonderful blessings, is the fact that as they grow older than become even more precious.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
14. God's solid rock.  I thrive on stability and schedule.  I need my normal, daily routine, to some extent, otherwise I have anxiety. Over the last few months, taking care of Grandma, nothing has been normal.  So much has changed since she has moved in with us and a little, evil, completely annoying voice deep down inside of me keeps reminding me that it will never be the same again.  But, through all of this change, God taught me what I thought I already knew.  He taught me that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Even when it seems like I have no stability in my daily routine, He is still the solid rock on which I stand, and I can take hope and find peace in knowing that He will be, day after day after day after day from this moment on and for all of eternity.
15. Dreams.  Isn't it wonderful to have dreams and goals, and the hope and wonder of what will become of them.  The drive to make them come true and the feeling of satisfaction when you make progress is amazing.
16. Hope.  I can't imagine going through life without hope.  The hope that with God, all things work for good and that He always has something better for you and has a plan, even when yours falls apart.  The hope that your dreams will come true and that there is always tomorrow. The hope that with God, all things are possible.  What wonderful peace hope brings!

Hello There

Hello there, dear little blog.  So very much has happened in the fifteen months that have passed since I have taken the time to type away on these keys.  I hardly know were to begin or what to say.   I will save you all of the details but in short…

Last summer Dad fell at work, tearing  his ACL and shattering his elbow.   Mom struggled with insomnia, making it hard for her to function, and constantly struggled with having a migraine.  We finally discovered that her body had stopped producing iron, causing her to be severely anemic.  In the middle of all of this, my medicine levels got out of whack, causing me to be nauseous and my heart to race.  After a summer at the doctors office and many prayers, we were all well.

Early last fall Grant got saved.  It was the most wonderful end to such a long summer!  That Sunday afternoon after church are all went down to the river and my Dad baptized him.  

This summer has been quite a whirlwind as well.  It started with me  graduating with my Associates of Science in K-6 Education the beginning of May.

Four days later, I had my gallbladder removed.  

Two and half weeks after my surgery, my honorary "big brother" married his Mrs. Perfect.  She is one of the sweetest people that I know and I am super excited to have her as a "sister-in-law”!

I had the honor of being in charge of the wedding cake and 300 cupcakes.  (You two had better know that I love ya'll (=!)

(cupcakes all packed up and ready to go)

Just one month later my honorary "big sister" married her better half.  He is absolutely wonderful and is always such an encouragement to be around.  

I was in charge of their wedding cake as well, along with 150 cupcakes.

But no slowing down yet, as if two weddings wasn’t near enough partying, the Felton’s decided to throw their annual 4th of July party.  This year was much smaller than the previous two with only eighty-five guest rather than the one hundred and fifty-seven the year before.

There was yet one more wedding at the last Saturday in July and a few more cakes to make before my summer was over.  Another friend was getting married and had asked me to help ensure that they did not run out of wedding cake.  So, back into the kitchen I went and ten sheet cakes were made.

During all of this craziness I struggled with making the decision of what to do now that I had graduated with my Associates.  And then, two weeks before school started(I am not very good at decision making) I decided that I was not going back.  Instead of college, I am going to attempt to start an online bakery.  (yes, even after all of the cakes and cupcakes that I made this summer).  I am just starting the process, so it will be a little while before I actually get going, but I am very excited.  I agonized over whether or not this was what the Lord had for me to do, or if I was supposed to get my Bachelors degree, but, after months of agonizingly analyzing every pro and con to both and praying about it constantly, I feel that I made the right decision.  I have never wanted a career, just to be a stay at home wife and mother, so while I wanted a degree in case I ever needed it, II also wanted a stay at home business.  So, I decided why spend two more years working on earning a degree that I never want to have to use.  Instead I will be working on fulfilling my dream of starting a stay at home, online bakery that I can use to support my family if the need ever arises.

In the mean time, I have started an Etsy store selling accessories that I make, along with wooden signs, home decor., and burlap wreaths. (go and check it out HERE!

And just as everything seemed to finally be falling back into place after over a year, my Grandma fell and became sick.  After a night stay in the floor after falling and not being able to get up and five days in the hospital she is now in a nursing home rehab center regaining her strength while we build her a room onto our house.  I’m super proud of how hard she is working to get better and am amazed by how much progress she is making everyday.  In just one week she went from not being able to rollover in bed by herself to walking around the nursing home with her walker, by her self!  Thank you Jesus!

So, there is a not so brief brief summary of the past  fifteen months of my life and were I am now.   

48 Years of Love and Hard Work

          Sixty-eight years ago today, my grandfather, Joel Oscar, married his blonde haired, blue eyed sweetheart, my grandma, Essie Lavern.  She was a young and beautiful fifteen year old bride who donned a pale blue dress.  He was a handsome young man of twenty-two, dressed in his best suit.

          When my grandpa asked for my grandma's hand in marriage, her father told him that he was the one in charge of, "finishin' her rearin'".

   

(Great-grandpa Wesley Angelo with my great-uncle)

          It was a warm Sunday afternoon when they started their life together.  The sun was shinning through the tall, oak trees as the gently swayed in the warm summer breeze.  After church the two of them met at the preachers small, country home, along with their closest and dearest family and friends.  Standing in the entry way of the preacher's humble home, they said their vows, were announced husband and wife, and kissed for the first time.  After the wedding, a small reception was held in my great-grandfather's front yard.  That evening, my grandpa took grandma to church for the evening service.  Thus began their forty-eight years together as husband and wife.

          Together they raised seven children, five boys and two girls, chickens, horses, cows, and pigs.

(Uncle David)

          She baked him biscuits for breakfast every morning, and he took her to church every Sunday.

(My uncle Larry and Aunt Helen)

    

          Their home was filled with love and laughter and grandma's good cooking.

          As their children grew older and started families of their own, their home was filled with laughter and toys again.

(Christmas presents Christmas 1959)

          All in all, they were blessed with five granddaughters, eight grandsons, one angle granddaughter, ten great-grandsons, five great-granddaughter, and one angle great-grandbaby.  Grandma cooked breakfast and dinner for her large and growing family every Saturday.

(Grandma with two of her great-grandchildren Christmas 2013)

         As the years past, a life of hard work began to stoop Grandpa's back and tighten his joints.  Over tine, Rheumatoid Arthritis placed him in a wheelchair, and eventually confined him to his bed.  Grandma was his faithful nurse, always by his side.

(Grandpa and I)

          After forty-eight years of marriage, full of love and hard work, children and biscuits, my grandpa passed away.  My grandma wore her wedding ring for fifteen more years, until she passed it, along with all of the memories of it held of Grandpa and his love and hard work onto me, on my sixteenth birthday.

4 facts about the 4th on the 4th

1. Even though Thomas Jefferson gets all of the credit for the Declaration he wasn't the only author.  He was just the primary one.  The Continental Congress appointed five men to do the job.  The other were: John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Robert Livingston, and Roger Sherman, and they were the ones that appointed Jefferson the primary author.  Adams and Franklin did make a few additions however.
2. Did you know that six Founding Fathers signed both the Declaration and the U.S Constitution.  They were: Benjamin Franklin, George Clymer, Robert Morris, George Reed, Roger Sherman, and James Wilson.
3. Did you know that nine signers died before the Peace Treaty of 1783 was signed to officially end the Revolution.  They were:  Button Gwinnet, John Hart, Joseph Hewes, Philip Livingston, Thomas Lynch Jr., John Morton, George Ross, Richard Stockton, and George Taylor.  
4. Did you know that Thomas Jefferson and John Adamswere the two final surviving signers.  They both died on the fiftieth anniversary of the Declaration in 1826.  Adams last words were "Jefferson still survives."  Thomas Jefferson however had died five hours earlier.

Happy Independence Day!

30 things that i learned in the 30 days of june

1.     Wearing a knee-length skirt to go ice-skating in not a good idea.  When you fall on your bare knee it burns, really bad.

2.     Kids say the darndest things. 

My five year old cousin Fender:  I’m hungry.

Me:  Ok, what do you want to eat?

Fender: My mommy usually gives me chocolate doughnuts when I’m hungry.

Me:  Are you sure about that?

Fender:  Yep… I like chocolate doughnuts!

3.     My little brother isn’t a baby anymore.  Fourteen years old, I can’t believe it!

4.     I might be obsessed with Bible journaling

5.     It’s dark in Target when the lights go out.  I mean like can’t see your hand in front of your face dark.

6.     Chobani chocolate haze yogurt is delicious.

7.     Biology CLEP prep is a 37 week course!  So maybe I’m not going to CLEP out of Biology this summer.

8.     All clownfish are born male and the most aggressive one become the female of the bunch.  If the female dies, then a male switches his gender and takes her place.  I'm serious .We serve an amazing creator don’t we!  

9.     The F’s can keep a secret!  Thanks so much for surprising us with Hattie and Jordan’s big news.  Congratulations on the engagement, I am so happy for you guys!

10.  I have discovered how to tell my cousins 9 month old identical twins apart…have me smile at them.  Kara Lauren starts screaming and Lana Kathrine starts reaching for me.

11.  Reba and I are capable of being responsible adults.  Who knew driving into town by ourselves could be so much fun.

12.  I am an awesome swim teacher.  I got all three of my cousins back floating.

13.  Macaw parrots pull out their feathers when they get mad or stressed.  Poor Gus, he looked so pathetic.

14.  God created light and dark three full days before He created the sun, moon, and stars.  I’ve known this all of my life but I never really had thought about it.  “And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon to shine in it for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof” Revelations 21:23.

15.  Poor Reagan gets depressed when Harlie leaves her with us to dog sit.

16.  Don’t go into Walmart and expect to try on a shirt at ten o’clock at night.  It makes the lady very upset.

17.  Veggie Tales gets more and more amusing the older I get.

18.  You can give dogs a Melatonin if they get stressed during a thunderstorm.

19.  In our society today humans take nearly one trillion photos a year, which means that we are taking more photos every few minutes than in the entire nineteenth century.  

20.  Any time my sister shows me a new song, it follows me.  I mean I will have never heard that song before and after she plays it for me it will be on in every store I walk into in town.

21.  You can fix Earl Grey tea like iced sweet tea and it is delicious. 

22.  The traditional June wedding came about in the fifteen hundreds.  People would take their yearly baths in May and would wed in June while they were clean.

23.  The wedding bouquet is also from the fifteen hundreds and was carried to cover up the smell of body odor.

24.  This site is going to get me into a lot of trouble.

25.  My feet are too big to find any cute shoes.

26.  You can find anything on Pinterest.

27.   Sometimes all you can do is pray and let it go.

28.  I would rather watch cheesy TV shows from the sixties (aka. Emergency, Hawaii Five-0, Dragnet) and I blame my grandma completely. 

29.  Skirts with pockets are a rare luxury. 

30.  Never assume that cookies are chocolate chip, they might be raisin and that makes for a very nasty surprise.

O, What Peace We Often Forfeit

I am a perfectionist.

I am a planner.

I am a mother hen.

I am OCD.

I am a control freak.

     These are my flaws.  These are my daily challenges.  These are the character traits that I am constantly having to work to overcome and that I am struggling to learn how to use for good rather than harm. These are my personal, built in stumbling blocks.  These are the things that take away from my faith and trust in God.  These are the things that far too often steal my joy and peace.

     I like to have a plan.  Not only that, but I like to have a perfect plan that is safe, orderly, and does not change.  I like for my family, siblings, and friends to make the choices that I deem as acceptable and right.  I like to worry and fret and complain and discuss how I am right and my plan is the perfect, safe, orderly, and logical one when these things do not happen.  I also like to handle it all by my lonesome.

     All to while God is watching me wallow in my “perfection”, waiting for me to come and sit at His feet, and willing to listen and flood my heart with His peace that passes all understanding and to fill me with His unspeakable joy.  If I could only remember that all I can do is pray and trust God, how much sweeter would life be?

O, what peace we often forfeit,

O, what needless pain we bare.

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer.

     When I finally give up and realize that my human self cannot save the day and I finally run to the Lord, He is always, without fail standing with open arms.  He always washes me in His peace and joy. And, I always end up in absolute awe of how awesome and merciful He is to me.