I am a
perfectionist.
I am a
planner.
I am a
mother hen.
I am OCD.
I am a
control freak.
These are my
flaws. These are my daily challenges. These are the character traits that I am
constantly having to work to overcome and that I am struggling to learn how to
use for good rather than harm. These are my personal, built in stumbling
blocks. These are the things that take
away from my faith and trust in God.
These are the things that far too often steal my joy and peace.
I like to
have a plan. Not only that, but I like
to have a perfect plan that is safe, orderly, and does not change. I like for my family, siblings, and friends
to make the choices that I deem as acceptable and right. I like to worry and fret and complain and
discuss how I am right and my plan is the perfect, safe, orderly, and logical
one when these things do not happen. I
also like to handle it all by my lonesome.
All to while
God is watching me wallow in my “perfection”, waiting for me to come and sit at
His feet, and willing to listen and flood my heart with His peace that passes
all understanding and to fill me with His unspeakable joy. If I could only remember that all I can do is
pray and trust God, how much sweeter would life be?
O, what peace we often forfeit,
O, what needless pain we bare.
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.
When I finally give up and realize that my human self cannot save the day and I finally run to the Lord, He is always, without fail standing with open arms. He always washes me in His peace and joy. And, I always end up in absolute awe of how awesome and merciful He is to me.
